I am a Gruntled Goat

New Mexico hasn't claimed me yet.  I'm still in Michigan, but not for much longer (a little over a week).

The last two-ish months have been hectic and hellish.  I honestly cannot wait for them to end.  The stress, the exhaustion, the frustration, the sadness.  Ick.

Friday is my last day at U of M.  Kind of scary.  I hope I manage to get everything done that I wanted to get done by then.  As you can see, I'm making excellent progress--since I'm posting on LJ instead of doing the work that desperately needs to be done.  My motivation to work is so low...it's sunk into the ground, I think.  And then, on top of the work stuff, I'm trying to pack in last lunches/dinners with people here in Ann Arbor.  I'm leaving A2 on Saturday and staying with my parents in Grand Haven until 6/18, which is when we set out on the big moving adventure.  Three days of travel with two angry cats, my dad in a moving truck, and me in my car.  And maybe Chase and his dog too.  That will be...eventful, I'm sure.

Wish me luck.  I might not post again until New Mexico--and reconnected internet service. :)

I'm going to New Mexico State!!!

Dr. Adams called me at about 3:15 pm, a call that I missed b/c I was in the other room while my phone was charging in the bedroom.  I was just checking my email and seeing that there were no updates and thinking that I couldn't take the suspense anymore and I should just tell Memphis I was accepting.  I thought I heard my phone beep and went in to check and I had a voicemail.  I figured it was Chase, but it wasn't, it was Dr. Adams!  She even said on the voicemail that they were offering me admission.  So I after I cried for a minute, I called her back and accepted.  And I'm in!

Of course, now the real work starts.  B/c classes start July 6th.  Woo.  Gotta get busy!

PS.  If anybody has any money lying around they don't want or need, I sure could use it. :)  Or if you have any ins on a part time job for the next couple months?  I could use that too.

It's down to the last minutes.  I will have a decision about grad school tomorrow (if not today).  I have been offered admission to my #2 school, University of Memphis and I am the first alternate at my #1 school, New Mexico State.  This is exactly where I've been since the beginning of March.  Nothing has changed.  I've been in limbo that long.  What that actually means is that I'm waiting for some person(s) who have offers at NMSU to make a decision about whether they want to attend NMSU or not and they are probably on wait lists for their top choices too.

I sincerely hoped this would not go on this long.  It's driving me crazy and the stress is about to kill me.  I'm to the point where I can't concentrate on anything and I'm barely going to work.  I just want to know where I'm going so I can start planning and packing and finally give my job a date when I'll be leaving.  But no, it's dragging on.  Forever.

The deadline for everyone who applied to a psychology program to notify the school they plan to attend is tomorrow.  However, I might have a problem--I think the general approved deadline is close of business, which is 5 pm for Memphis, but 8 pm for NMSU (b/c of the time difference).  So, if I'm waiting for the last minute to see if I get in to NMSU, I lost my shot at Memphis and if I don't get in to NMSU b/c that last person decides to attend, then I'm fucked and I don't get to go anywhere.

I hate this.  I think this is worse than just having only one school accept me.  *grumbles*

Consequently, I did get into Ball State, but I declined the offer b/c I didn't really want to go there.

Barring some miracle, it looks like it's going to be Memphis.  Which isn't so bad, but I really wanted NMSU.  Really really wanted NMSU.

Okay, so I originally composed this on my birthday, but my computer went wonky and it was 3 am and I thought it was lost.  Well, look!  It wasn't.  So here it is, 10 days later...

********

It's official.  I made it through another year.  Woo.  Birthday is not off to a great start...well, okay, it is b/c I spent a few hours reading, which is my preferred activity (well one of them, anyway).  But I have to spend part of my birthday tracking down the apartment manager to get my toilet fixed.  *grumbles*  And b/c I don't feel like doing it tonight, I'll have to clean litter boxes tomorrow too.  Blech.  Oh, well, my own fault.

I meant to do a wish list around the holidays, but got lazy and preoccupied and didn't do it.  So I'm supposing I'll do one now.  Maybe not as well thought out of one as I would like to do, but a little one nonetheless.

Dawn's Birthday Wish List

Things in the Realm of Possibility
A 16" & 18" ball chain from Peter Stone
A bigger iPod, preferrably in blue and at least 20 gigs
Fencing equipment (front zip jacket, mask, glove, foil, chest protector)
Roller skates with indoor & outdoor wheels & bearings
Complete pads to go with said roller skates
A new body pillow
A nice stereo system for my car--including a CD player with an iPod hookup and some nice speakers
A toy (or two) from Adam and Gillian's website *smirks*
A tattoo
A new cell phone
Various books that are too many to list here

Gift Certificates to Spend as I Like at
www.jinx.com
shop.tokidoki.it
www.amazon.com
www.snorgtees.com
www.noisebot.com
www.mushycat.com
www.shanalogic.com
Borders
Old Navy
Vault of Midnight
Barnes & Noble
Michaels or Jo-Anns

Desired but Not as Much in the Realm of Possibility
A trip to dig crystals in Arkansas
A trip to Wolf Park in Indiana
A trip to Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash in New Jersey
A trip to NYC and the Met
A trip to DC (and the museums and Caroline!)
A trip to the Getty in L.A.
A trip to the Traverse City area to look for petoskey stones
Photoshop
The charger for my Nintendo DS
Maybe a Wii b/c everyone says they're cool (okay mostly just L & Ash say so)

Much Harder to Come By
A part time job
A new car
A pronto pup
A nice week-long paid vacation somewhere warm
All my student loans paid off
All my credit cards paid off
Money for tuition and living at NMSU or Memphis
A call from NMSU saying that I'm no longer on the alternate list, but I am in fact accepted

Well, I should start with an update on my list of schools.

Essentially (or flat out) rejected from:
:(  Texas A&M
:(  University of Utah
:(  Arizona State University

Interviews completed:
:)  University of Nebraska--Lincoln
:)  Widener University
:)  New Mexico State University

Interviews to go:
!  Ball State (2/27)
!  University of Memphis (2/28)

Still haven't heard from (and therefore am expecting rejection):
:(  U of M
:(  University of Missouri--Columbia

I didn't write about my trip to Philly and my Widener interview.  Eh, not much to say.  It has pros and cons, but the biggest con is keeping it from being an option: $21000 tuition per year (guaranteed 5 years) with no assistance whatsoever.  That means student loans.  Yeah, can't do it.

But, New Mexico State!  Oh, how lovely!  And since I am fond of lists...

Best things about the NMSU program & NM:
***  Faculty is primarily women of color
***  Emphasis on multiculturalism, diversity, and social justice
***  Portfolio comprehensive exam!
***  More counseling than research focused, but still with lots of opportunities to do research
***  A chance to do research on LGBT issues with an awesome faculty member, or on adolescents with another awesome faculty member, or even on Native American populations with another awesome faculty member :)
***  Work in the counseling center during 2nd year
***  Friendly students
***  Collaborative, junior colleague, "we want you to succeed" atmosphere
***  It's WARM there!
***  Can be considered in state after 1 year
***  Considered in state if I get an assistantship
***  In state tuition is around $2000 a semester
***  Only 2 semesters of being taped/observed (one for individual, one for group)
***  Cost of living isn't bad
***  Beautiful country with mountains, the Rio Grande, and a desert nearby
***  NO SNOW

Not so great things:
XX  Funding isn't so great, but is still doable
XX  Scorpions and rattlesnakes
XX  Will get hot, very hot

I can't think of any other negative things now...  Hmmm...that's good, right?

So, the good things about our trip:
:)  It was WARM!  Mid 60s
:)  It was fun to fly with Chase
:)  Chase found me some quartz on the mountain he climbed (but I think he still has it)
:)  I had Chik-Fil-A
:)  I made a new friend, Robert!
:)  We had an amazing dinner in El Paso at this place called Cattle Baron
:)  I won $15 on a scratch off lottery ticket in Texas
:)  I got to send postcards!
:)  Chase and I had a moment or two ;)

Not so good things:
:(  We stayed in a sketchy Super 8 in Las Cruces
:(  We stayed in a slightly less sketchy Best Western in El Paso
:(  I was frustrated and exhausted a lot
:(  I messed up a little during my faculty interview
:(  Chase SAW two rattlesnakes (but I didn't)
:(  I had a hysterical breakdown
:(  I didn't want to come back home

I'm hoping to find out about offers and such around March 3rd from NMSU.  I still haven't heard anything from UNL.  They are 2 weeks late.  But I don't think anyone else has heard either--one of the other interviewees emailed us over the weekend and asked if we'd heard anything and I guess 5 of us replied no.  So...I don't know if that's good or bad, but I hope we hear soon!

I'll keep you updated!

Yeah, I'm way behind on posting!  Eep!

I promise I will post soon, but not now b/c I should be getting ready for work b/c I should at least work a little today (even though I'm taking a "catch up on my sleep and not be running around all crazy like" sick day or part of a sick day).

Cool things about the trip:
*  Seeing the owl in the tree!

Not so cool things about the trip:
*  Getting pulled over by the police 2 miles from our final exit
*  Missing the Chik-Fil-A in the Des Moines mall and going to Cheesecake Facotry instead (which then made my guts angry)

Hmmm...that was a trip.  A long boring road trip, to be exact.  11 1/2 hours is too long to be in a car.  But, down to business.

What I think of UNL's counseling psych program:
*  Everyone (students & faculty) seems really friendly, supportive, and collaborative
*  Lots of cool opportunities to do assistantships and field placements
*  Very connect to the counseling center, beyond field placements
*  Very little time doing the whole one-way mirror, videotaping, observation therapy sessions
*  Professor with the same interests as mine was really nice and interesting
*  I liked the majority of the other candidates
*  Smaller program
*  Some of my credits may transfer
*  More emphasis on research, but that might not be so bad

What I think of Lincoln:
*  Not too big, not too small
*  Close to Omaha, which is bigger
*  Lots of interesting, funky, pretty places to visit--coffee shops, bookstores, restaurants, etc.
*  Weather isn't that much different from Michigan (although I think it stays sunnier & slightly warmer most of the time)
*  You can get excellent popcorn anywhere (so I heard)

I think it wouldn't be a bad option.  I think I could do well.  I'll know in two weeks (approximately) if they're going to offer me a spot, put me on the waitlist, or suggest I find other options.

I made connections with a few of the other candidates.  One, Mike, was cool--we discovered we both also applied at the University of Utah and Arizona State.  We're excited and hopeful that we'll see each other again at both those interviews and we exchanged emails to keep each other updated. :)  Also, two sweet girls from Texas who were so excited about the snow.  One, Vanessa, and I chatted for a long time and she told me about her interview in a few weeks--I gave her my email address and told her to keep in touch.  She also works with Texas A&M and promised to check in and see where they're at with their process. :)

Coolest things about the trip:
*  The wooden dragon (that I thought was a winged cat) outside the import store
*  The big cloth tree in Indigo Bridge Books in Lincoln
*  Exploring (a little) with Chase
*  Hearing Chase say "I could live here"
*  Realizing the program was really close to what I want and could be successful in
*  The wind farms in Iowa
*  The too-easy-to-drive rental car
*  Realizing I wasn't the only one who hadn't heard from the majority of my programs

Not so cool things about the trip:
*  The drive
*  My angry guts on the way home
*  The cold & the snow
*  Being confused & frustrated a few times
*  Being asked "So, why did you have your therapist write one of your recommendation letters?"
*  Wasted time while being a passenger

That's all I can think of right now.  Update later this week from the trip to Widener in Philly!

Over the weekend, I got a letter from Widener, inviting me out for an interview on January 28th.  So, I will be leaving for Philly on Jan 27th (missing work, woo hoo!) and flying back after my interview.

Lincoln, NE is next week--leaving with the pseudo boyfriend on Thursday, coming back Saturday.

Heard from Utah--they'll have invitations out by January 30th for their interview on February 20th.  So, we'll see how that goes...

Still waiting to hear from Arizona State, Texas A&M, and U of M--Probably the other 3 big ones I'm hoping for...

This is nerve wracking, but kind of in a good way.  I have a good feeling. :)

This has been on my mind for about a week or so.  It's going to seem weird and you'll probably wonder, well, why isn't she doing those things every day.  I'm lazy.  And depressed.  That's why.

And no, these are not resolutions.  I don't believe in such things.

Things I'd like to be doing every day, as in they have become part of my routine:
!  Eating breakfast
!  Meditating
!  Exercising
!  Washing my face with some goop that smells good and is only for my face
!  Brushing my teeth twice (not just once)
!  Flossing
!  Tidying the litter boxes
!  Cleaning a little something in my apartment
!  Mosturizing

So, now I've got to start implementing.  I have good intentions!  And we all know about those...

Wish me luck!  *snorts*

Well.

Yes, I haven't been around much.  I've been applying like crazy to grad schools.  At the moment, I have 9 applications in, one to go (not due to January 15th).  Even after the applications were in, it was crazy trying to make sure they had everything they needed, like transcripts that seem to have been sent out but seem to have disappeared between MSU and whatever school I was applying to.  But, I'm reasonably sure that's been all cleared up.

The most exciting news.  I got an email tonight from the University of Nebraska--Lincoln.  They've invited me for an interview!  I didn't expect to hear anything so soon, so this is very exciting.  Of course, the travel arrangements (or more importantly, the money involved), not so exciting.  But you do what you gotta do to get where you need to be, right?  So I will be flying out (most likely) to Lincoln on January 22nd for my interview on January 23rd!  WOO HOO!!

I most worried that I wouldn't get an interview at all.  This greatly relieves my worries. :)

Yes.  I am awesome.  Sometimes on those very rare occasions.

One of 11 out of 50+.  That's not so bad.

Dear universe,

I am ready for something different.  And stable.  Preferrably without struggle or hardship.

Love,
Dawn

Be gentle with yourself.  You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should...

Both by Max Ehrmann

I planted a tree yesterday.  With some of my students.  It was very cool.  I helped dig a hole.  I filled in the hole after the tree was in it.  I mooshed the dirt into the hole, did a dirt mooshing dance around the tree.  And I got my hands in that mud and spread it around.  It was cool.  Even though I had to get up at 6:30 am to do it.

I had to scrape the mud off my shoes.

I am currently still at work.  Reading essays.  I'm so tired.

Too much is going on.  Too much drama, too much stress.  When does it all end?

And all these grad school apps.  Eek!

Gods, I'm too tired to get worked up over it...

As excited as I am to have a visitor next weekend, I'm thoroughly NOT enjoying having to clean house.  Granted, the apartment DESPERATELY needs it, but...blech.  I hate cleaning.  And I own too much stuff, but can't seem to convince myself to part with things.  What if I need it someday? :)  Yes, yes, I know...  But one day, when I'm rich *snorts*, I'm going to hire someone to clean for me.  Or have a partner who likes to do so. :p

Also, why can't I ask my friends to write letters of reference for me?  And what the hell should I write in my personal statements?  In my autobiography?  Gods, this crap sucks.  And 10+ applications is no fun--especially when some schools have a general graduate school app PLUS a departmental one.  Good gods, how much info do you really need about me???  And what's with MSU charging $5 a transcript now????  Like the $35-75 application fees per school plus $20 GRE reporting fees per school aren't enough?  Okay, grad school bitching is now over.

More exciting news.  NaNoWriMo started today!!  Woo hoo!  And this year, I actually have an idea for a real novel!  No more poetry only months! :)  I'm SOOOOO excited.  Of course, it's going to be tough with work and grad school apps and all, but...I'm gonna at least start on it.  I was thinking too that it'd make a good graphic novel, if I could get someone to draw it...like my friend Jess or something.  Yes!  And I have a new laptop to lug with me everywhere, so I could always be writing!  How cool!

Okay, I'm procrastinating on the cleaning.  I better get back to it.

Happy belated Samhain!

I got a 1250 on my GRE!

I wanted a 1200.  I did good. :)

I won't be applying to the University of Missouri--St Louis.  But that's okay.

I've got plenty of other schools to apply to.

The GRE is less than a week away.  I'm supposed to be studying right now, except I didn't get up until about a half hour ago.  I have a cold. :(  But I will be studying shortly.  I'm just installing software on my new laptop (woo hoo!).  Then showering, then eating, then studying.

But I've chosen the places I want to apply to grad school.  At least for the counseling psych programs, so far.  We'll see how that goes and then maybe I'll be applying to some library science programs.  But, here's the list:

Arizona State University
University of Memphis
University of Missouri--Columbia
University of Missouri--St. Louis
University of Nebraska at Lincoln
New Mexico State University
Texas A&M University
University of Utah
Widener University
Ball State University
University of Michigan

I'm most excited about...

Arizona State b/c they have an awesome method of evaluating their students that is actually USEFUL.

Ball State & Utah b/c they have a lot of feminist psychologists (or so I've deduced and/or heard).

Widener b/c one of my favorite professors from IUP is there now running the Human Sexuality program.  I could get my MEd in Human Sexuality while I was getting my doctorate, which would be awesome.

And oddly, U of M b/c they have a joint doctoral program in Women's Studies & Clinical Psychology.  Not so excited about the clinical part, but hey, I can do what I want with a clinical degree and you can't beat a degree in Women's Studies, which is what I'd love...

Some of these programs I may not apply to.  It all depends on what my GRE scores look like.  If I don't score high enough, I may not be able to apply to U of M or the Missouris or Widener.  But I'm gonna try. :)

Speaking of studying...I'd better get my ass in gear...

I'm getting an eye ultrasound on Thursday.  An EYE ultrasound.  Yeah, I'm not sure what it is either...

But my optic nerves are swollen.  Really swollen.  And since I haven't had any weird vision changes or headaches, my eye doctor isn't TOO worried.  But she suggested the ultrasound just to be on the safe side, to make sure it's just what she thinks it is (either small deposits near my optic nerve or something I was just born with).

An EYE ultrasound!

It's been a week of renewing old friendships and making new friendships!  Kinda strange that it all seemed to happen in one week, but...I'm not gonna complain.  Although, the toll of being out every night (and very very late one night) all week has been heavy...  Gods, I'm exhausted.

Anyway...  Hung out with zanajune on Monday and caught up.  Very good to see her. :)

Tuesday, a bunch of my former students came to our event, so I got to catch up a bit with them.

Wednesday, took the day off from work, went to Lansing to see gilraen --we had Jersey Giant subs and I'm the first to visit her at new job.  Woo hoo!

On Tuesday, an old friend/ex-parnter contacted me on facebook.  Very surprised and mixed emotions, but I messaged him back.  Was curious to see how he was doing and all.  Turns out, he lives near Lansing.  So I visited with him on Wednesday evening.

Went out for coffee on Thursday evening with a former co-worker at the library.  We've talked at work, but this was our first opportunity to really talk outside of the library.  Had so much fun!  She is awesome and I think I'll be hanging with her more--working on creative projects and probably studying for the GRE.

Was supposed to go out with another friend this evening, but wasn't feeling well--overly tired and fever-y.  So we caught up over the phone and then I came home for a nap.

It was a nice, if exhausting, week.  Something I needed.  Yay!

And...I seem to have acquired a lover.  Heh.  Imagine that.  Not sure where that's going...but I'm more than willing to see what happens.

Okay, so I've been hanging out on the Dr. Horrible site, randomly playing songs from the episodes.  I really need to get the soundtrack--I'd rather have the real soundtrack than download it from iTunes.  I think I've watched most of the movie (is it really a movie?) about three times in the last two weeks.

And...I just wanted to share some of my favorite quotes:

"Make the Bad Horse gleeful or he'll make you his mare."
--Sung by the Bad Horse chorus (much better when you hear it in the song)

"I'm Dr. Horrible.  I have a PhD in horribleness."
--Dr. Horrible, of course

"Look at me, man.  I'm Moist.  At my most badass, I make people feel like they want to take a shower.  I'm not ELE [Evil League of Evil] material."
--Moist, Dr. Horrible's evil moisture buddy 

"That's the plan
Rule the world
You and me
Any day"
--Dr. Horrible in the song "My Freeze Ray" (my favoritest song)

"The hammer is my penis."
--Captain Hammer

Intrigued?  Yeah, go watch it.  www.drhorrible.com